i never pictured myself in the military
by iclingtoo
Summary: sorry about the mix up it is GP to be warned if it isnt your things that cool dont read. Sorry about the miss spells i really need a Beta but not getting any takers. Message me and let me know i OWN NOTHING
1. Chapter 1

See I never saw myself being in the Military, let alone in war. Well home from war, I stepped off the train, and waiting for me was my mother, and sister, (dad was never around anyway) I never worried too much about the difference from the air of home to the air of war. It smells like home, hell it even looks like home. And then you hear you speak

"Santana my baby, I can't believe it you're home" my mom I tell ya, you would think I was in a war… wait wasn't I in a war? I was. I'm freaking out cause I don't know what to say you, '_mom I missed you the war was war I cannot talk about it it's too hard please don't touch me' _but no I don't I can't say that to you, "momma I miss you so much" I gave you the best warm smile I could bring up and warped my arms around you.

"and you kido where the hell did my little sister go?!" I look at Mia she was 16 now she looks just like our mom, "Kido? Really Santana? I'm 16 not 10". That's when it hit me I was gone for 6 years, 6 FUCKING years. "I'm still shocked they let you serve seeing as you don't seem to fit the ideal of an "American woman" so tell me Tana tell me how did you manage to make them believe you weren't some kind of hostel in a women's body?" me being me I really don't care anymore, so people look at me weird, you want to know what I did over there, I sat in a tent, controlling the bots we used to defuse land mines.

"DAMN IT MIA, she's your sister, you will respect her, she did things for you and this country that I know you wouldn't even think about doing." Okay so what my mom is talking along with my little sister, it's my well I won't be nice about it. I have a dick, cock, penis, something girls don't have, I don't know how else to put it to you. "Mom it's okay, I'm used to it, I slept on my own cot, in my control tent." I looked my mom letting her know it was okay that Mia was always going to be weird about me. "but Mia my dick, has nothing to do with how I made in the military. It has everything to do with how hard I worked to get where I am, so please just learn that I will not change, I'm not a freak show, I am a woman I was always a woman, it's not my fault my DNA is a little different."

Well I really don't think she was expecting me to say I have a dick out loud but who cares everyone knows. We started to walk about to moms SUV I threw my bag in the back, I took shot gun, pissing Mia off in the process, who cares I'm 26 and It really doesn't matter.

Then it happened, I heard a scream. The first thing I did was duck and put my hand over my boot looking for the knife I used to keep there, my ears were ringing and I could feel my vision going fuzzy. I heard your voice chiming in "Santana it's okay honey were home you don't have duck anymore" I'm not stupid I know were home, I know were home, it smells like home, looks like it too. I looked up almost peaking around she wasn't lying. We were home, how long had I been freaking out? Was this normal? Well I knew it was kind of normal, when I reached for the handle and looked at your beautiful home I was so happy to not be worrying who was going to jump out, or shoot at the house. Stepping out of that car was hard, when I boots scuffed along the driveway to the back of the SUV I grabbed my bag and threw it over my shoulder, walked up to my childhood home, swung open the door and there he was Bug my loving and most awesome dog in the world, he tackled me to the ground licking my face whining and whimpering "you know I think Bug missed you more than we did, he slept by your bedroom door, and when we would let him in he would cry for you"

I was scratching behind your ears, "well hey hey hey mister, I miss you too come on lets go unpack" it was almost like he knew, that I wasn't going anywhere again, I ran upstairs skipping steps with Bug hot on my heals I opened up the door to my old room, well nothing's changed same black walls, I did take down most of my posters and things cause I didn't want you to have to do it just in case I had been killed or taken. Bug and I unpack, well I unpacked he just looked at me, when I finished I looked down at you "want to go for a walk Bug?" that was by far the silliest question that's ever come out of my mouth. So before he even did anything I looked at him "come on asshole lets go"

I didn't know where I was going when I stepped out of the house, I was still in my uniform, but I did it anyway who doesn't love a woman in uniform walking her German Sheppard, so we walked some times ran and then we made it a dog park? Really now I didn't know we had one, either way I did being your ball to throw around, so we spent an hour or so play catch and rolling around with each other, the I saw something I didn't make me freak out. Or even duck, I perked up. She had blond hair, I was a sucker for blonds, she turned and seen me just looking at with what I would imagine to be one of many lovey dovey looks I planned to give her, '_oh shit she's looking me.. oh shit she's walking over here act cool military training and all' _and before I knew what was happening "hey, you have a beautiful dog, whets his name?" I just kind of looked at you and kept on looking, Bug being my right and man nudged my leg snapping me outta my love spell trance "oh yeah yeah sorry. I'm sorry, this s Bug, and I'm Santana" I stuck my hand out for you to shake and you did.

Holy shit your hands were soft, so damn soft I just wanted to hold your hand forever "well you both are so damn cute together I had to come over at least get this handsome guys name"

Am I blushing is that was the heat from my face is? I could feel my hears getting warm OH god this hasn't happened since one of the guys from the day shift hit on me.. I had to tell him he wouldn't be into me cause I wasn't into him, it was hard meeting him cause he didn't know about my penis otherwise he wouldn't have asked that's what made me blush

'I.. I um, I'm sorry cute?.. NO don't answer that, um errm.. shit" and then I was cut off by you

"I'm Brittany, and I was wondering if you would like to get some coffee?" she was now blushing ears were like fire, I wanted to touch them to see how warm they really were

"coffee? Me? Me and coffee? It just that I don't really know how to do the coffee thing, I just got home and really you're the first person I've talked to since I've been home that wasn't family… I am babbling, um coffee? Yes coffee, I would love to have coffee with a beautiful woman with amazing eyes" I think I forgot to breathe cause I was sucking it so much air I was almost choking on it

"not only can you charm? But you look sexy in uniform." It happened, I was choking on my air I started coughing I'm having a coughing fit. Shit shit, there is no sand to inhale what the fuck. And then you handed me a bottle of water OH MY GOD THANK YOU was all I could think as a sucked down the water when I could speak finally "oh my god thank you. I just sometimes I forget I'm home and I have these flash backs and when you took my breath away I thought I was breathing in sand, but then I realized it was just the beauty of you"

Did I really just say any of that out loud? Lopez get it together. Oh god its happening again I'm spacing out, but not about the war, well now I kind of am spacing out about the war. Wait what was I thinking about. Her lips oh yeah she talking, her muffled sounds were turning into words ".. you know you're really cute when you space out" she had the warmest smile I think I've seen, and the way it made me feel like I was jumping out of my own skin to touch her.

"I.. uh crap, coffee? Please? Can we get coffee so I can have something in my mouth other than my foot?" good job Lopez, keep talking like this and she might just turn and walk away and you won't have to deal with interacting with a woman ever again, not that I don't love women it's just I don't know they know how to talk to me better then I know how to talk to them.

"I have something you can put in your mouth…"

"shit fuck what, so do I? fuck no I don't.. well yes I do, wait, Brittany you have me in worst way babbling to the point where my dog is looking at me like I'm crazy." And bug really was he looked up at me with his eyes almost narrowed. His ear twitched, and it happened he whined and I dropped to my knees I hugged him and kissed his head "I promise Bug I'm not going anywhere, I love you too much to leave again" and with that he licked my face nudging my hand with the ball still in it. I looked up at Brittany and handed her the ball " if he plays with you I will so get coffee with you"

She smile at me and whipped the ball across the pack, Bug looked up at me and I cocked my head in the area that the ball was in and he took off, well I still have it. I smiled to myself, he still knows everything command we had.

When he came back giving Britt the ball, this shocked me someone else would throw but he would drop it at me feet, he didn't care that I wasn't throwing his ball huh, I think I might be a little jealous

"I think I'm jealous, he's never done that he always beings the ball back to me. And makes me hand it to whoever is throwing" I smiled at her with my eyes saying '_coffee? Please?' _

"So does this mean we can get coffee?" it's almost like she could read my mind. Will this being said I could tell I was smiling all teeth, I did something I was even expecting, I held her hand and lead her out of the park "coffee. Yes." We made it to the parking lot and it hit me "well fuck. I ran here I didn't drive"

"come on my car is up here, and if you're wondering NO I don't have a dog, my cat Lord T had a gang meeting at this location and I wanted to catch him in the act but that never happened"

Wait huh? I didn't know what was going on "your cats in a gang? Can that even happen? And would you be willing to take me home? So I can get Bug some food and what not and maybe change before we go out?"

I watched Brittany tape her finger on her chin, I wonder what she's thinking "I can't handle that, but, the only think I don't like is you changing. If I asked you to stay dressed as you are would you be willing to do that for me?"

Chick and the thing they was with chicks in uniform.. "I mean if that's what you want the sure but can I at the very least keep my camo shirt on and flit into some comfy jeans? I'll keep the boots and shirt but I need to get out of this coat and these pants" and there comes that beautiful smile "anything for you" was all she could say.

The drive home wasn't bad, we just listened to the radio Bug had his head out the back window as were pulled in to the drive way, my family and I don't live in the best part of town, and how I know this is that it happened again, this time it was a gunshot maybe 3 blocks away, we had one foot out of the car, I had it to her side first, I tackled her to the ground I think she could see the daze in my eyes I was having a flash back. Her voice started coming in and out again "San tell me what to do? Are you in full combat mode? Cause if so we could get inside where it's safer" she rolled me off of her leaning against the car, she opened the back door, Bug moved slow, "look at me Santana tell me what you want me to do, from the looks of it we can b line it to the house, hey look at me, we can make it through this okay?" I just nodded .

She grabbed my jacket and started dragging me to my house "its open just walk in front of me please I don't want them to see me like this" so she opened the door, "it doesn't seem anyone is home" Bug walked in and laid by the couch, I think he knew the lady he didn't know needed time for a moment

"come with me" I put my hand out to her, to my shock she took my hand and I made my way up the stairs with her behind me and once I opened my door I could feel something happening. She was facing me now, and unbuttoning my uniform jacket, I could feel her fingers, moving over my chest, and around my shoulders dropping the jacket to the floor. "May I..? Can I kiss you?" She asked before I could even think to answer I moved in a pressed a soft kiss on her lips, I moved my hands to her hips moving under her shirt to feel this skin on her back how smooth she was how, I felt her pulling my shirt from my pants, she moved her hands under the front of my shirt. Her hand are so soft that I can't figure out what to do until she slips her tongue past my lips, and I couldn't help but moan into her mouth, I was growing hard, my compression shorts were starting to hurt. When I pulled away she whimpered "I need to tell you cause I've sure you don't know, I.. um u have a penis"

She cocked a brow at me "you think I can't see it? You are so beautiful that I can't imagine you any other way" she reached for the belt of my pants and I could feel them slide down my legs, I pulled her shirt over her head, as she did the same with mine, both being thrown across the room somewhere, I reached for her shorts and pulled them down "I haven't done this in a really long time and I've kind of scared I don't want you to think I'm bad or even yet a virgin cause it's been that long"

She just smiled at me and reached into my compression shorts and stroked my extremely hardening cock. She leaned in "in not that worried about it baby"

Oh god I'm in for it now I have the dumbest grin on my face

I was nervous she could tell cause I was still a little shaky from my flash back, and she just look at me with those bright blue eyes. All I could think was '_they are ever so inviting'. _She removed her hand from my compression shorts and rubbed my ears with thumb almost knowing it would sooth me.

"Its okay San, I'm here and for some reason you have all of me whatever you need in this moment or ever I will be there, just like I am now". I wasn't sure if there were tears in my eyes or not. I leaned forward and kissed her so lightly, I am scared the things that I'm scared of cant hurt me here. And with Brittany, who I just met at the dog park has me feeling safer then the men and women who had my back, overseas. I kissed her again and asked "will you lay with me?" I'm so scared of everything right now I'm scared of what I might hear; she was on the bed before me, I laid on my back she told me to turn away from her, she held me from behind, for a short comical moment I thought '_being the damn little spoon'_ .

She didn't push me to talk or ask me what was wrong we just laid there half naked, I turned to her not being able to handle not see her. As I turned I felt her had slip down my back, her fingers fallowed my spine. She moved her fingers over the small of my back, leaving her hand just on my back giving me a smile as her pinky went just under the band of my compression shorts. "are you okay?" Brittany asked in the sweetest voice.

"mmmm" was all I could muster up, she moved forward just a bit so our noses were touching, all I could do is smile. I heard a buzz.. it was my phone, I reached over to my uniform jacket answering "hello, okay mami, um I have a new friend over.. I'll ask hold on". Put the phone to my shoulder "my moms over in the next town getting stuff for dinner? And if so spaghetti and meat balls or stuffed pork chops?". She just stared at me "we and spaghetti and meat balls" I just smiled at her "the first one ma, alright I love you too bye." I looked about at her. Something washed over me I just kissed her with all my passion and soul.

And the it happen a noise, something crashed in the house, I scrambled for something, anything. My gun I had a gun, I didn't realize Brittany and went to see what it was. When I decided the knife in my now put on pant would do, as I walked down stairs.. I seen in "BUG.. mami is going to KILL you. You broke her favorite vase" I went and got the broom and cleaned it up when I went to taws If I felt a hand on my shoulder, I shook and she knew I was still shaken I turned to her telling "I'm sorry". All she did was smile and grabbed my hand and we laid back down I looked at her "I feel like I've known you from lives beyond this one." She kissed me again she looked at me and said " when two souls don't get it right they meet in the next life time maybe this is our souls chance to get it right.. by the way why why are you in bed with pants on" she removed my pants '_damn it Lopez control the boner_ 'she brushed my cock on accident surprised that I was turned on my her just taking off my pants, she touched me again I moved hips into her hand not thinking. She whispered in my "I want to feel you" all I could do was nod she slipped her and in my shorts "you're bigger than I thought" I flushed and ducked my head, she stroke the head of my cock she removed her hand from shorts hooking her thumbs at the ban pulling them down she kissed down my stomach and took all 7 inched in her mouth . I did not know what was going on and I knew I wasn't going to last I gasped "Britt I'm not gonna last' she lighting grabbed my balls and squeezed I was done for "I'm cuming pull out if you don't" and she sucked ever last drop of my _cum out of me. I lasted maybe 10min I panted "I'm sorry I didn't it not like I would go longer I'm" she_ kissed me to shut me up.

The front door slammed I flinch "fucking Mia I gotta talk to her about my ptsd" Brittany kissed my ear and said "lets help with dinner"

We dressed and went down stairs


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: sorry about the miss spells. i had to use something without spell check so forgive me and if anyone wants to help me with the spelling and such let me know.**

As we made our way down stairs i could hear my mom saying "you need to not slam doors in this house that rule still applys even more so that your sister is home you know what happened to her over there. she doesnt need you making it worse its already bad enough that you cant respect her."

when Brittany and I made it to the kitchen I started to realize that i was freaking out again my breathing got heavier. I walked up to the counter and Mia looked up at me "Oh look she's fraeking out again, WOW Santana can you not handle your battle scares? it sure doesnt seem like it." it was all happening so fast. Brittany was slapping the shit out of Mia and i wasnt sure what to do. Mia was holding her face "maybe you should respect your sister a little more cause you know what she cannot help what goes on in her head. Hell no one does. Only she knows"

I was now shaking there was so much talking going on and i had to stop i had to make it stop "I.. I- I really need to leave i need to get out of here, Britt please take me somewhere anywhere"

Brittany was standing there looking at me she looked so scared. Hell i was scared i wanted her to just keep looking at me " Momma i will be back later i need to leave. Brittany please take me from here" My mom smiled at me and nodded, with that Brittany took my hand and pulled me from the house getting into her car was easy "i'm taking to my house San.. okay?" i just smiled and bobbed my head at her

The ride was maybe a half hour outside of town just turning into country and there was this house very small, maybe and old farm house? no it would be bigger, is it a shack? man she was going to kill me, SHUT UP LOPEZ she isnt going to kill you

"Dont worry i'm not going to kill you, your eyes are a tell tail sign, this is my childhood home. its small i know but i've fixed it up all i can i own the 15 achers behind this shack my perents left it to me when they were killed" she was so calm about the matter, i didnt know what to do. i just leaned over and kissed her on the cheek "thank you Brittany so much" i pushed open the door and stepped out she ran around the car. i pulled her by her hips to me and picked her up her legs wrapped around my hips, she ground down on me. I could feel myself getting harder she jumped off of me and pulling me into the house.

Her kiss was like heaven i couldnt stop thinking about her lips, she walked me to a bed in the back of the house pushing me on the bed i was on my back and she was straddling me she pushed her ass into me and moaned so loud. I didnt even realze that my hand had made there way up her shirt cupping her small breats in my hands, i pulled her shirt over her head i wrapped my arms around her grabbing her ass i kissed up her sucking on her collar bone leaving a mark there. She pinned me down again and looked in my eyes "do you feel that? it feels so natrual" she kissed my neck, her hands going to my belt, i was breathing so heavy i looked up at her "i'm yours you have all of me" i felt stupid so stupid for telling her that. she kissed my lips and whispered "and i yours". she was pulling my pants down.

By this time i was grabbing at her trying to get her shorts off she was pulling my shirt over my head i felt cool air hit me. i was so hard i could feel my growing harder "Britt, i dont have a condom. i promise i will pull out." she was straddling my hips "just feel me" was all she said to me and i did i felt her do so many things to my body that hadnt been done before.

It all happened so fast she was pushing herself down. The head of my dick slipped into her and we both started panting she pushed herself down more "Brittany oh fuck please, you feel so good please dont stop" she started moving at her own will and i i was stunned by her. i was now meeting ever thrust when she pushed down it was happening it only been a few min and she was panting "San.. Santana i'm fuck, baby i'm coming please, keep.." i was hitting that spot she i kept thrusting i kept on going, i could feel everytime i hit her g-spot she was quivering around cock, "OH MY GOD San" was all i herd then i felt it she was squerting. And thats when it happened "Brittany i'm coming please if you dont have me to" she just kept me pinned "i was to feel you come inside me please" that was it that was all i needed and i was letting go i left her come around me again.

Recover time was amazing i slipped out of her "i dont think i've ever made someone come that hard before, come again i dont think i've come that hard." all i herd was a giggle. Brittany laid her head on my shoulder, "mm you are to good to be true Tan, am i dreaming?"

"if you think you're dreaming then i cannot imagen what kind of world i'm in." i kissed her head and left myself drifting in and out of sleep. "night San sweet dreams"

"Night B sweet dreams to you too"

**let me know what you think :) follow me on tumblr **


	3. Chapter 3

_i was panting heavy, i had my full gear on i made its to our tent "Sir there's been an attack, i was the only on that managed to get out and they were screaming and i couldn't i cut a hole in the back on my tent sir and i ran i ran so fast"_

_"Lopez stop i need you to calm down please HEY LOOK AT ME" i snapped my head up "sir, i'm sorry" i was starting to feel something wet on my back i couldn't figure out what it was my boots felt soggy "its not yours is it Lopez " i was covered from my back to my front in blood _

_"no sir its not its um its Evans he came in my tent and there was just so much when i turned around i'm not a medic i just do computers, i tried so hard sir the last thing he said to me was 'run' so i did just that i ran" _

lights are starting to get bright and i can hear something

"San, please wake up you're starting to scare me please wake up" Brittany. i could feel my body shaking it wasn't her. i was moving so slow everyone around me was fading in and out of everything. and then i whimpered my eyes felt glued shut

"Britt, i cant my eyes feel glued" i brought my hands to my eyes whipping the sleep and crust from them "what happened i was in the desert and then" my eyes were tearing up again "shhh, its okay you are okay i'm here" i think god sent her to me. i really do Brittany was a god sent.

I started to move, i never in my life had to piss this bad "babe i gotta piss like i'm about to get wood i gotta pee so bad" i smiled at her, she giggled at me "first door on the right"

Huh her bathroom was on the other side of the wall i stood at the toilet holding myself "holy fuck best fucking piss in the world!" i moaned and groaned a few times

Brittany pipes up "i can hear everything you're doing in there and that better be you having the best pee in the world and not sexy time without me and PLEASE hurry i have to go too!" i could now hear her outside of the door, i opened the door as i washed my hands. i looked over cause i could now hear her moaning "better not be sexy time i hear" and walked out the door and feel back on her bed next thing i knew she was on my back rubbing my shoulders "ah fuck Britt that is amazing" she slapped my ass i pushed back into her again she hit my ass a little harder this time. "now if i would have known you were kinky i would tied you up last night" she said with a wink

"Hey hey no no i'm not i mean i do enjoy a little kink now and then i mean what just tie me up that all you can think of?" i flipped my hair to look at her and i was some how on all fours. she pushed herself into my ass from the behind "you better be nice enough to give me a reach around if were going to play like that." she was laughing and starting to snort "so you take me for a jerk" she winked at me i was stunned by this comment "i would so give you a reach around" i was rolling over so i was on my back and then it happened the scariest noise I've ever herd in my life, yep my gut was talking to me telling me to eat, i looked at my watch it was 10:30 no wonder i was hungry it was well past when i'm trained to eat. I looked up at her with the biggest puppy eyes and stuck out my lip "food please ma'am" all in favor of me being a loser say 'I' and i was shouting "I" in my head she crumbled into my chest "anything for you, pancakes, eggs and bacon for my sexy solider oh and please don't call me ma'am" she rolled of of me and stood at the end of the bed she turned on her heals "boxers? briefs or boxer briefs what? i like mens underwear when i sleep and don't worry they're all mine" she threw some hot pink american eagle boxers at me and a white tank top. i pulled what she gave me on and watched her get into ocean blue briefs and a black tank top i was up and dressed faster then she thought.. "sorry military still has me on their time" i smiled at her

I was excited this was the first time in months and months that i was going to be eating real food. she was working on the pancake mix which was just those stupid add water and shake things but hey i was getting the works today "here you scramble the eggs and i will start the pancakes and when you've got them all whats the word? scrambled put them in the pan" she was smiling so big all i could say to her was "okay" say something more then that "come here please?" i asked.

"Hey what do you think you're going to do? huh?" i just moved closer to Brittany and kissed her cheek "thank you for breakfast and everything, saving me from my cray cray sister, and making me breakfast, i think you're like wonder-woman i stepped back and poor the eggs in the pan, i could feel her eyes on me "i think i'm more of a sidergirl type i mean have you seen the blue underwear" she was next to me pooring the mix in the pan i couldn't help myself i slapped her ass fairly hard i didn't mean too. I herd her let out a yelp it was cute. "hey asshole with the hands. next time do that in bed"

Breakfast was amazing. "okay its been like 6,000 years since I've ate that much" Santana said as she scratched her stomach

Brittany Chuckled "you did kinda pig out, um.. Santana?"

"Hmmm?" was my only response i could come up with. "can i ask you about something San?" I felt my heart pick up speed "anything you want to know just ask" i didn't realize at the time that my voice was shaking

"what were you dreaming about last night? please don't answer if you're not comfortable" Brittany was chewing on her the side of her thumb

"i. errrm well it was the day that started the movement of me being honorably discharged, i'm going to do my best to not have a flash back... Sometimes when i sleep i dream about all the blood, and i can smell the desert air, feel the sand him my skin when i'm running, i can feel my gear weighting down on me. And sometimes i don't know i'm dreaming" I was shaking. This was something pointed out to me when Brittany tugged me close to her.

"can i tell you something?" her voice was so soft and clear, it was full of something i couldnt figure out at the time but i'm sure it was powerful. "tell me anything you want to tell me" it was the smallest whisper.

She inhaled and looked into my eyes "you're always safe with me."


	4. Chapter 4

Brittany and i learned very fast how much we hated being away from each other.. But i needed to go home. i needed to talk to my mom and sister. Walking into the house "Hello? mom?"

"hey Santana your sister is at school. Thank GOD for Mondays. you were never that crazy hormonal when you were her age. its very off putting" my mom was a woman of many words "mom i also am a girl but not. i was Santiago for how long? 5 years? that's really not that long now that i think about it. I feel like i toured longer then that" I smiled at my mom cause i really wasn't "normal teenage girl" i did have out bursts i mean i had some anger, the doctors said it was the male hormones going through my body i mostly played video games, drank mountain dew and ate lots of chips it helped that i was into running besides video games.

"not the point Santana. her actions are uncalled for. I know that you know that, ANNND... that blond knows it too" my mom said with a wink. I cannot take whats about to come next cause she made a comment before my first deployment.. yep i was blocking her out i could see what she was saying (i can read lips) and then she said it.. i swear it was all in black and white as i seen her lips move to the word "grandbabies"

"MOM! i met her on Friday. i cannot ever start to think about that.i need to work on the "battle scares" i cant handle. but if things work out with Brittany idk we'll see. you know i wont get my hopes up cause well i've been away from the world again for how long, and i'm scared that i keep getting colder and colder, but the colder i feel the more i crack. more things have been coming up not just from my last tour, but other. not really deaths on our side, but knowing i did this. it haunts me, and Brittany. i dont know, she told me verbatim " You're always safe with me". and i can see that look mom, YES i do feel safe with her. but its too soon to think about something like this, not with what is going on with me." I'm concerned that i havent taken a breath. I was good for babbling, it happened often, i either A. talked way too much or B. not enough

"Thank you." that was all my mom said. I was looking at her, quite confused, she was thanking me. i don't know why, "for what mom?"

"You opened up to me about the war and your flash backs, it wasn't much. but it was something. So than you" all i could do was hug her, my mom the coolest person the only person that ever came close was Sam Evans.

"i need to shower mom, she's amazing enough to wear men's underwear to day before yesterday i was in hot pink boxers, yesterday silk boxers, i didn't like that at all. MOM SILK its not breathable! and today. you don't even want to know. i'm going to shower." I was walked up the stairs to get to my room, i think i her my mom drop to the ground laughing i know she was in tears, she knows i'm kinda picky about my underwear. when i made it to my room i noticed all my clothes were put away. I popped my head out the door. "THANK YOU MOM. AND PLEASE STOP LAUGHING."

"I LOVE YOU TANA." my mom and i always tend to yell at one another from room to room.. just wait till she starts texting i thought to myself

i grabbed some clean socks, compression shorts, shorts bra, clean "go army" tee shirt and cut off jeans (black skinnys at one point. (i may or may not have looked like an early 2000's emo kid) my shower was fast well like 15 min i did take my time with my hair. i got dressed, went down stairs, "BUG! you old ass get up were going to play in the back yard" he perked up and followed me out the back door.

Bug and i played for well over 2 hours he helped take my mind of off things. my mom yelled for dinner we both perked up, "Race ya" i told him. We both took off running into the house.

Mia and my mom were in the kitchen. Mia was filling bugs dish "i made cheese bugers homemade fries" my mom was always the best cook.

Mia pipped up. "i'm sorry about the other day, Jake broke up with me, it was unfair" i just smiled at her then i wondered. "Jake who?"

"i um.. Puckerman".. she look so sad about this, oh shit it was happening i seen her as my little new born sister that i promised to never let anyone hurt.. "want me to kick his ass? or get his older brother to do it? i did date Puck and he owes me so bad for keeping many secrets for him."

she just smiled at me so big. what in gods name is happening? are we getting along? "Not worth your time. plus its weird and over protective." and it started again. i know in time she will come around to having me back just like i would come to be around them as well mom, always knew how to make me feel at home when i came back I think Mia was upset not cause dad left, but cause i did too, more then once, making her worry she wouldn't see me and then i felt like the ass. I just kicked her foot under the table. "Someone has to look out for you. deal with it asshat" we just smiled and ate the burgers

I watch a little "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia" why? idk i see it here and there and though it was too funny. i turned off the TV and went upstairs stripped and got into bed. i took out my phone

from Brittany: i hope all went well. :)

to Brittany: all went okay we got to the root of my sisters problem... Boys.. Go figure :O shocking!

from Brittany: well you know girls once they've got their claws in someone they don't let go.

i thought to myself how to answer this text.

to Brittany: is that why you were claws back all weekend?

from Brittany: :*) possible, i need sleep. i have to cut the grass in the morning. plus Mondays are mine and LT's movie nights, Night San.

to Brittany: i was wondering i'm still not out of my running habits, i need to run. so if you mind how about i jog over to your place in the morning i'll try not to get there too early. if that's okay.

from Brittany: thats like a million mile run. but yes come over if you want. i wont make you wear silk boxers ever again.

to Brittany:it might me less the 4 miles. sweet dreams goodnight britt.

i was drifting off to sleep, i had weird dreams that night. Mostly about my moms cheese burgers, and Brittanys cat i've never met being in a gang. But there was this one where it was just her and i but we are standing on sand, it smells like a beach though, the sand is white. We both were leaning in to kiss one another. It was the best sleep i had, gotten in along while. i got up made some breakfast aka toast and a sunny side up egg and this shit called mircowave bacon. its not bad but eh i've had better i changed in to basketball shorts and my underarmor shirt. pack some clean clothes in my backpack soap and shampoo. i ran down stairs grabbed some water bottles threw on my running shoes and for some reasom i thew my boots in my bag. just in case Brittany needed help with the yard work. And i will not get my running shoes all grassy.

i took off headphones in plugged into my phone and played my running list and texted Brittany

to Brittnay: omw.

i was a good mile into my run. my phone went off

from Brittany: just come in i'll try to be awake :)

it was a nice run, it was a perfect morning for it. i was coming up to her house there was no sign of her outside, i found myself standing at the door. i wasn't too sure how i got there. note to self... good dreams mean not so good days. if i didn't know how i got to the door i maybe blacking out and flashing back. another note to self, call the VA i knocked. I know she said come in but its not like me to just not knock its rude. I herd her say "come in." or "its open" i walked into her small house. "i'm in the my room." i took my shoes off and took a my last water out of my backpack and carried it her room, she was laying in bed. "lay with me for a little bit. and please lose the compression shorts. you know where my underwear are, by the way do you have my duck boxers?" i was blushing pulling out some teal colored beirfs pulling them up after i stripped i pulled off my shirt and laid next to her. she curled in the me, it was like a puzzle. We fit so well together. "can we just lay i'm really tired. LT and i talked about his smoking and drinking problems" i giggled at her, her cat maybe a person trapped in a cat. "anything for you Britt"

I was drifting back off to sleep not long after her. I realized i was sleeping cause i was on my frist tour i was yelling for Evans to get down

I picked up someones hand gun i'm still not sure to this day whos it was aimed "SAM DOWN" and fired shooting the man in the chest 4 times.

"Lopez you have blood all over you are you hurt?" i was hazed to scared that i just shook my head. I wasn't hurt. the two people in front of me as we were moving through a small village in the middle east shot in front of me Sam and i knowing what we had to do took out 5 people well.. him four me one. "lets call it in, they will send back up and we'll start the set ups, there in the next town the north of here its about 3 miles." I fainted i hit the desert ground and woke up in a sweat.

I looked down at Brittany. "i woke you didn't i?" i could still smell there blood on myself and i didn't know if i could share that with her.

"you said "Sam down" and it just nudged me outta my sleep, i just watched you, i didn't wake you cause it didn't seem like a bad dream" she ran her hands over my back cause i some how ended up in my side facing her. She leaned in to me. "You are so beautiful when you sleep" she kissed my nose. I was so warm i was melting into her and her bed "do you want to talk about it?" she pressed her nose into my neck

"it was about someone i saved once." i kissed her head. that was all i could say and all i wanted to say, Sam was hard to talk about. Him and I both did bomb squad work, he more so went in, I mostly just did everything behind the computer when they could sent a bot into do it, which means, i had 3 up on Sam.

She kissed my neck and rolled me so i was on my back, "so. how are you with building things?"

"like what? a house maybe.. shed? for sure. Tent? i can set you up a whole village in like 15 min. or are we talking like chairs and tables? cause nay. not that good with wood." she was shaking her head at me

"you are something else. i was thinking a back porch. i need help with it and you just so happen to be all big and strong" she said with a a squeeze to my upper arm and a playful kiss on my lips

"i'm convinced. plus hand me my bag, i brought a get up for ya." she handed me my bag and her eyes lit up when i pulled out my boots, then i black tank top with my standered camo army pants.

"are you gotta be kitten me right meow". she kissed me. "can i just tell you i have not clue as to what you just said to me. i know it was English, but not one that i understand" i know i was smiling all teeth at her "you really are going to wear that all day?" i just smiled at her and got up switch to my compression shorts and putting my pants on and and top. i pulled out my socks and laced up my boots. she was Already dressed in ripped jeans and some old work boots and a white tank top. my next move " I need a mirror. i have to fix my bun i know its all kinds of crazy". pointing to the wall. i didn't understand. "OOOH bathroom right."

I was staring at myself, my refalection was lying not just to me but the world. Everything was blury. i was starting to smell war, my ears started ringing, i blacked out and woke up to Brittany behind me her arms were hooked under mine and was holding my shoulders still. She moved her hands down to rest on my chest. i could hear the ringing stop in my ears, i was starting to smell her again. she always smells so sweet she kissed the back of my head and whispered "your going to be okay. i'm here" i was still shaking my face was wet, "h-how long? h-how long was i out?" i could feel my chest rising and falling more even

"maybe 15 min babe, your leg might be bruised i kinda had to kick the door in i was scared you were just saying "Sam Sam please don't go" so i kinda broke my door and frame and hinges." i looked up at the door. "the door bumped your leg. i really don't think anything will come of the door to the leg thing is more then likely nothing" i was still just shocked that she was able to kick in the door. Not just kick it in but destroyed the door. "i think you've calmed down a bit. you're not shaking anymore" she was kissing my shoulder and rubbing my chest(in the most nonsexual way). It was working, i was calming down and my heart felt normal.

"can you remind me to call the VA. please i cannot take this anymore." i was trying to stand up my legs wouldn't move. i were my legs not moving. oh fuck. i looked down.. oh well that explains it. she had her whole self wrapped around me. her legs were over mine holding me in my place. "i'm sorry" she mumbled.

"you are the best calm down meds i've ever come in contact with. xanax just made me pass out, adavan made me dizzy, its amazing how calming you are." she let me stand up, i stumbled a little bit. my back slammed into the counter. "fucking shit, when did i loose my feet?" she was grabbing me again. "can we just please sit" i was being pulled back to her room "we'll watch a movie" she smiled at me. she pulled off my boots and pants, and threw me some more underwear, she turned around as my compression shorts were around my ankles, i was fast to pull on my underwear

I think her bed was made out of clouds, and Brittany. i was on my stomich, i could hear the faint sounds of the movie "The Sword in the Stone" i was now in my knees facing the tv. "Are you kidding me? this is amazing omfg they released this from the vault? WHEN? this is my favorite movie, i had the Merlin stuffed animal when my great grandma took me to disney land" i jumped off the bed and kissed her. I couldnt help but pull her into a tight hug

"you are amazing. i hope you know that Britt. Thank you" i kissed her cheek and made her lay with me. "oh i will fix the door and such. its all a very easy fix." i was so focused on the movie. that i didnt hear my phone go off

"hey spacey pants. your phone keeps going off. its killing my two and fro, stop and go" i just left like i was staring at her, she looked like and angle. it was almost like she was glowing. the was lights shined on her. i looked at my phone.

from Mia: moms wondering were you are. she hasn't herd from you all day.

i looked at the time on my watch. when did become 4? how long did we sleep? plus my 15 min or so black out

to Mia: i'm at Brittany's i thought i left a note sorry guys. i lost track of time.

"i'm starving. want to go pick up pizza?" Brittany i dont think ate today, she still was glowing. "sure" i said i kissed her and moved out of the bed i put my pants and boots back on. "can i get a tee shirt?"

"I called in the pizza, i will be ready in 45 i guess there backed up, would you want to go to home-depot and look at bathroom doors? and what not?" she was so adorable. she was beaming at me again. "only if i get to fix the door please" She was tugging me out of the door, the ride was short to home-depot.

we were looking at doors "i'm not going to order the same door" she walked away and got someone to help us she was walking back "yes that door and stuff to fix the frame of a door hinges too. alright here the address. thank you". she was turning to me, "we have a half hour want to go get some drinks and such? the store is next to the pizza shop, beers maybe?" i grabbed her hand leading her out of the store to the car.

We agreed on beer, and a few other things i ran to the pizza shop and paid for the pizza, she was waiting out from for me i hopped in the car " i just realized i know nothing about you, which isnt helping my case were i think you might just be an angle and you will go away once i wake up from this amazing dream" she hummed at me "well what do you want to know? My name is Brittany Suesan Pierce, LT is my cat, i own a little house, my parents are dead, they left me this place were pulling into right now, my parents left me money to live off of, sometimes my grandma comes to see me, i dance one the side, i went i tour with a couple people. i'm an only child. and i met this really smokin hot Latina" she said with a wink "what about you?" she asked

"you know my story, its just mom myself and mia, dad left i dont like to think it was cuase of me, um i joined the army, that didnt do much but mess me up" We were talking into the house at this point. "i've been home for 4 days and i've already met a beautiful blond" we sat on the kitchen floor, eating laughing i was buzzed.

"On your feet sexy, were going to go to my room. and make out for a bit maybe more" i was to my feet before i knew what i was even doing. i'm in for a hell of a night


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up to this tight feeling in my stomich, oh shit was i having a wet dream!? I opened my eyes, and yes i was getting woken up by Brittany sucking my dick i was groaning "come here please" i was pulling her up by me kissing her "come here, i want to feel close to you" I sunk her down on my cock "you are so tight." my eyes were rolling in the back of my head. I rolled my hips up and she was meeting my every move i brought my thumb up to her clip "i'm ganna.. Britt i'm so close" i was thrusting so fast into her my eyes were closed so tight, i could feel her starting to grip my cock.

"Look at me S-san, i'm ganna cum please look at me" my eyes snapped open and we both lost it i could feel her coming around my dick she was milking every ounce of come from me, i didnt realize i was holding her face in my hands. " you are so beautiful i hope you know this." Her face was getting hot in my hands and her ears were so red, Brittany burried her head in my neck "stop you are making me blush" her nose was running up and down my neck, "but see facts are facts" i smile and looked at my watch. 9:45am hmm its still early

"what time in that door coming?" she was still had me burried deep inside her,, she wiggled her hips a little "babe dont do that, i'm 110% sure there is nothing in me anymore." she rolled off of me, my dick hit the cold air and i swear i shrunk 3 sizes. i pulled the blanket pulled up over us. "mmm they said between 10 and 3. So really what that sounds like to me is either never or tomorrow." there was a small thud at her bedroom door. And there it was again.

"its LT he must have decided he wants to meet you" she stood up and opened the door she picked him up and put this thing in the bed. i dont know what it was, I pulled Brittany to me "thats not a cat." she was swatting at my arm. "be nice and..." she stopped and looked at her cat "you were NOT OUT SMOKING," he purred "and coke, OUT! now. Lord Tubington OUT NOW" i never seen an animal that size move so fast.

"Coke too? thats never good. Should we check him into rehab?" i couldnt help but smile. Oh shit i got thee worst evil eye from her. "i'm not stupid." she barked at me.

"hey i never once said that. you are by far one of the smartest people i've met." i was trying to be soft and soothing twords her. "You implyed it. i'm not! i went to school for dance, then to be a bussiness owner, and to be a lawer." I think she knew i was scared, my eyes were wide, i felt like i was in drills my back was strightened out and i was avoiding her gaze.

"you are not stupid. how many times have you pulled me from my darkest corners? and you have known me now? what? a week? so stupid? no not at all. I feel way to much for you to be just some "stupid" person. I wouldnt do that. cause i feel way to much." I'm rambling again, so bad, i think i'm having a panic attack, my hands were gripping the sheets. I'm scared, i snapped, but so did she. we both snapped, "Maybe i should go. I'm scared _I'm _the one going to do something stupid. its clear i already have, I'll just go" i was moving my back was facing her and i was moving very quick, I already have my conpression shorts and pants on i was reaching for my bra when i felt her fingers wrap around my arm.

"i feel it too, its um its new, and kinda scary, _we _scare me. i'm sorry i snapped please just dont go." she was behind me her arms were around me pulling me back to the bed. I could feel my body trembling. Was I crying? why am i crying? she was trying so hard to calm me down. i'm so scared it screaming from my body i cant stop shaking. "Let me help you, just relax, i can help" she laid me on the bed. In the moment i curled into myself. We stayed this way for a long while i was still crying when i felt the bed shift something was infront of me, and hit my arm I could feel Brittany move behind me. It was her cat i felt my body shift it relax, i was uncurliung from myself and he came right up by my chest, i could feel Brittany arm come around me.

"He likes you too, he jumped up and everything" she was kissed my shoulder, i shook a little. "i'm sorry" she kissed me again, her arm was now holding me close to her front. "please, please come back to me." Her voice was shaking, LT had jumped off bed no longer giving me a reason to not face her.

I rolled into her my head hit her chest "i cant be stay away from you." she shivered, i looked down she was still naked. i was half naked my pants were sinking off of my body i grabbed her blanket and threw it over us. "just hold me please" she nodded and pulled at my pants, i understood her message and pulled my clothes off. we were wrapped up in one another and i could feel my eyes heavy and both of our breaths were evening out, i snuggled so close to her

When we woke up it was in the nicest way, there was a pounding on the door and her phone was ringing. "the fucking door" she rolled out bed and put some clothes on i herd her say _just leave it on the porch. _i got up and went to the bathroom i didnt bother to put anything on. i splashed water on my face and i herd her walking to the bathroom "the door is here. and look before never" she smiled at me i looked up at her after i dried my face my mouth dropped she was in my clothes well my pants. And Holy shit she was hot in camo. "you are still very naked. not that i mind, but um i'm hungry and we did pick up a few things yesterday, if you want we can have a late breakfast" by now i had turned to her. i reached out for her hand.

"i'm sorry i snapped at you. i would very much like to have breakfast with you. i'm going to call the _VA_ and get an appointment set up for something. and the can i fix the door?" I felt my body being pulled to het close so her nose was touching mine. She leaned in and kissed me so soft. "can i put on some clothes? or at least some socks? my feet are really cold" i wiggled my toes and looked down she giggled at me. "and i was going to make you do everything naked today. but caues you stuck your lip out just a but and wiggled your toes. yes you can get dressed." I pulled her into a tight hug.

"I'm not getting my pants back am i?" she just shook her head and walked away. "there are sweats in the basket next to my bed. you know where everything else is". i was dressed and no the phone with the _VA_, "nothing sooner then that? no no its not ergent i've just been blacking out and having flashbacks, my angxity has been really high since i've been home, No i know i was in washington for 2 months, Yes. Okay. Thank you. You to Ma'am" i put my phone on the counter. " i have to wait 2 weeks. but she told me if i have a flash back again, or i start to have a panic or angxity attack that i should go to the _VA hospital ER_ but the closest one is an hour away. So i will not be driving out there for that, i can deal for two weeks" she was handing me some eggs and bacon and rasin toast, she's so damn sweet, "can you make me breakfast everyday?" i was woofing down my food. i once agian think i wasnt breathing but it was so good

"that sounds like a huge step.. to make someone one breakfast everyday. does this mean you and i are like a couple?" my mouth must have dropped cause she was closing my mouth for me.

"YES!".. Son of a bitch Lopez. you were shouting now. "i mean girlfriend?.. i mean will you be my girlfriend" she just smiled and shook her head yes.

Like i thought the door was an easy fix it took me less then 45 min to fix it. she was watching me the whole time "so i was thinking do you want to come stay the night at my house? my mom digs you for slapping my sister. and i need to shower. i know i brought my stuff over to shower put um i'm out of clothes and not that i dont like yours, i'm just kinda short and your stuff is kinda long on me" i looked down and the bottoms of the sweats were around my feel, i groaned and pulled at the legs, i was starting to blush "i would love too. let me pack some clothes i'll pack your stuff too" i was checking the door to make sure everything lined up right and it latched right as well

"lets go, heres your bag i put your boots in there too." i smiled at her and walked to the front door and slipped on my shoes "we never did cut the grass." she just shruged at me "oh well you are way more important then grass" we walked out to her car and headed over to my house.

**AN: i should have looked this over again, before posting it but i really didnt have the time**

**let me know what you think. i'm still looking for a Beta message me let me know **

**thanks guys.**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: if you havent figured out this is Santana's POV. **

**just relized i sould have said something.**

_I was starting to smell something it was sweat, i was swaeting driping for that matter. i looked around, i walked out of my tent hearing US coppers flying over. "Lopez gear up were going to defuse a car bomb, we dont know if we need you or Evans." _

_With that Sam and myself, got our stuff together and headed to the truch that would be tansporting us. "So, so you think its going to be me or you?" Sam asked _

_"for defusing? most likely you, its up close you know i'm the robotics." i smiled at him "looks like you will have 3 on me" This comment made him smile, two more for him and were tied. one we got there we realized there was someone in the car.. "Sam this one is going to be all you i can tell you that right now" i grabbed his kit and handed it too him. We pulled over _

_Sam hopped out. Sam walked over too the car.. he radioed me "Lopez. the wires are not colored. its the same basic set up as the last 5. what do you think? over".. i hate to think it was one the middle, then the center, then the middle again, the center, middle... "okay same there was a pattern. it has to be the middle one. that is what i am sure of. if you want to said wait. over" I saw Sam stand up and look at the sky, he whipped his eyes. He reaching for his radio. "it makes since Lopez, i trust you and you me so i'll do it"._

_He moved back around the car. and reached in his kit. I felt like i was dying, i held my breath, i seen same stand up, i let myself breathe. Sam ran over and hugged me. i seen them take the person away.. Sam has such warm hugs.. _

_I Started hearing a Buzz what the fuck it was so faint _

I was waking up and trying to roll over why cant i move.. i herd a slam in the other room it was Mia hitting her alarm clock.. I tryed to roll one more time, then an arm pulled in tight, I smiled. It was Brittany, "baby your sister is a violent morning person." she suggled into and inhaled my neck "babe i gotta go to the bathroom before Mia gets up" i rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom and when i laid back down on my back i left Brittany's and come under my shirt, she was running her fingers over my ads. I hummed from her gentel touch, i could feel her lips touch my cheek, she kissed along my jaw up to my ear, she sighed in my ear, "you are so beauiful, you make my heart skip and flutter" My breath hitched a little i turned to her all i could do was look into her eyes. "thank you." that was all i could say.

"for what?" Brittany asked me. "for feeling the same way as me, you are so captavating, i cant take my eyes off of you when i'm around you, i'm so drawn to you".. I kissed her, shifting to my side a bit. She kissed me again. She started to take some control and pulled me on top of her. I kissed her neck, sucking a little, i moved down her body pushing up her shirt and kissed up her body pulling her shirt with me. I kissed her again throwing her shirt to the side. I was straddling her hips I just looked down at her body and gasped it was like seeing something her i didnt see before, "you have the body of a goddess" Brittany looked into my eyes, "Can you please just kiss me" i leaned forwared and kissed her softly. She reached for my boxers pulling them down as best as she could.

I stood off the bed and let her pull them down, she looked up and me and took my dick her mouth bring me to full hardness, i grabbed her legs, and deagged her underwear down, i wanted to try something new, "Britt i want to try something kinda new." she looked in the my eyes her, blue eyes pooring everything into mine.

I stayed standing, i pulled her closer to the end of the bed, brought my fingers up to her running them over her clip and between her flods "you are already wet for me baby?" i was getting harder by the momment from feeling how wet she is, i started rubbed her clit a few more times.  
"i'm always ready for you San"

I leaned forward pleacing my hands on eather side of her, "are you ready? cause i want to go slow and its going to maybe feel different i think i dont know, i'm nervouse now" she just grabbed me by me cheeks and kissed me. I slipped myself into her staring slow before i was meeting her hips with mine, we pulled away from our kiss.

"look at me Britt" her eyes opened, i started to pull out slowly once my head was the only part of me in her, i pushed back in to her a little faster. But i didnt want to just fuck her like the last few times, we had done this.

I could feel her nails and fingers grip my shoulders and i keep a steady rymthum, we both started moaning, she pulled me closer nuzzling her head in my neck. I was kissing her ear, i pulled back started to get close to my realse i could feel hers too, "baby look at me" her eye were shut so tight. "baby please look at me" her eye opened and found mine. i smiled at her and picked up the pace just a bit still keeping how i intened for it to be. "please cum with me baby" and in that momment her eyes knew what i was doing she kissed me and pulled away from me "right there San" she was over the edge i felt myself let go of everything i had in me.

"just stay here for a moment San" i did as she asked. we laid there for a good 15 min she was kissing my shoulder and neck anywhere her kips could reach. "i think i know what just happned," i looked up at her. she was avoiding my eyes.

"Look at me and tell me what just happned". she waited a few seconds.. "San.. You just made love to me. weather you meant to or not you just did, and I'm scared of all these feelings we have for each other".. i was aw struck, that was why i was doing. i didnt know what to say. it was too see it really was. I really dont know what i did this, just i felt like i needed to. My brain and heart even my body.

"do you need sometime? i mean i'm not asking you to tell me you love me, and i know what i just did, we both said we felt something the other day. But i couldnt tell my heart, brain and body no. if you want a few days thats cool, i'm sorry i crossed a line".. i was getting worried, not freaking out through that was always good she wasnt giving off scary upset vibes

"i guess, i dont want time, i mean i know i made.. it made, i felt what you did too, i'm not going to say it, you know, i "the l word" you" she rested her head in my on my temple. "how about this love." she smiled at me i looked at her from the corner of my eye, still feeling busted for doing something i thought only i knew, "lets snuggle, then i'm going to take you out for dinner." she smiled.

"that works. my mom wants me to fix the sink and clean the gutters." i laid on on my back and lifed my arm, Brittany cuddled right into me. that was the best sleep in forever" My dreams were almost strang but beautiful, when i had dreams of Brittany, she was always glowing. She made me feel safe and pretected. Dream Brittany made me feel safe from my nightmares and real Brittany made me feal safe from my real fears.

When I woke up next it was to my alarm, Brittany was fast asleep still i rolled out of bed. Letting her sleep seemed like it wouldnt be a problem. I got dressed and threw my hair up, went down stairs. I made my way to the basement, turning off the water, mom called me the day before telling to the sink wasnt draining in the i tried the plunger didnt work i know i would have to take the pipes apart under the sink so, went and turned the water off grabbing the tool box and coming back upstairs.

I started pulling all the stuff out from under the sink and grabbed my moms biggest cooking pot she had, I herd a knock on counter i turned and looked up "well good morning Mrs. Fix it" Brittany said with a wink. "Well good morning to you too beautiful" i smiled and turned a back taking apart the top pipe and let the water drain out into the pot that was it in the sink.

"so what was it? old food? silverwear? both?" Bittany was eager about the sink problem.i removed the the middle pipe and looked in it, "couldnt tell ya boo, can you hand me a wooden spoon?" she tossed me a spoon. i used the handle end to push out what was in the pipe.. i never would have guessed.. "huh. Its a sponge. I dont even want to know how she got that in there" I smiled up at her, i wondering what to do next. " I still gave to clean the gutters." i look at my watch. "its only 10:45 i still have to put this back together um if you want to head back to your place you can. i dont know how long the gutters will take." i smiled up at her

"thats up to you babe. did you want to go on that date tonight? i can go home et ready shower you can work on the gutters and what not, and i can come pick you up for a romantic evening" she smiled sweetly at me

"do you want me to get all dolled up for our date tonight? or help with the gutters?" she had this coy look on her face.. "well baby the gutters to take a while, why dont you get ready and then come pick me up, maybe dinner and dancing?"

she was bouncing on her heals "i love dancing so i'm going to head out, and do my day things and you do the gutters" we kissed and i walked her to the door

we kissed once more "see ya later baby have a good day"

**AN: sorry if its a short up date**

**let me know if you thinkrittany could end up pregant, i'm open for anythin**

**if there is anything you would like to see happne let me know**

**-Spee**


	7. Chapter 7

I could kill my mom, I want to know how long its been since the gutters were cleaned? i was sitting on the roof i picked up my phone and dailed brittany.

"Hey you" she said i could hear the smile "hey babe, look these gutters are bad. i want to say its been at least 5 seasons since they been clean i dont know how they didnt fall off the house they past winter. but i was wondering would like to have a night in? i know we havent gone out on a date but these gutters are kicking my ass."

"Santana, you realize you're babbling right? I just finnished the grass, if you would like i can come help you out with the gutters? and then maybe we could shower together, and if were not too pooped we can still go out on a date." she should realize she's kind of babbling too now, but i wont say anything. I think i her shower together. "hmm shower together. i can get down on that" i smiled and looked up and the sky "i'm already on the roof if you want to come over and come up" I herd her giggle in the phone "sounds like a plan see you soon" We hung up and i pressed play on my phone for the music to start up, i put my gloves back on and started throwing leves and shit from the gutters, i really need to talk to mom about this problem, i think those protecter things for the gutters would be a good investment.

Out of the corner of my eye i seen my moms car pull up. i took my headphones out "hey mom, i was just thinking about you" i yelled to her when she was getting out of the car in the drive way "these gutters are bad when was the last time you had someone come over and clean them out?"

"your cousin was doing for awhile the he stopped calling when he found out you were coming back.. He misses you. you need to call him" my mom was scolding me. my cousin and i were around the same age, "i'll call him. but i'm going to get something to prevent all this shit thats in here" and as if on que Brittany pulled up. My mom turned around "well look who it is" she said to Brittany with a smile "what are you doing here? and covered in grass?" she i was climbing down the ladder at this moment, "i had to cut the grass, sometimes i make a bigger mess of myself then need be. We smiled at one another i stepped beside my mom.

"By the way mom, there was a sponge? in the pipes of the sink. can you tell me how that happened?" my mom just looked at me, shocked.. "No clue, could have been your sister or i" how could either one of them even manage that. i didnt ask her how. "You guys are something else" i smiled at my mom. Brittany was watching us interact with one another. "are you girls hungry? i can make something real fast before your sister gets home. she gets droped off around 3:30 its 2:00 now." i smiled and Brittany and i both said "yes" at the same time. my mom walked a head of up into the house. i grabbed her and kissed her on the lips "i missed you britt" and pulled her into a hug she hugged me back and i turned and "get up" i told her pointing at my back, she did so happy jumping my me, I ran into the house with her as if it this was a nothing task.

She dropped off of me when we got in the house, "Santana finnish the gutters another day" my mom said as we walked in the kitched, "why? i mean not that i mind but why" i looked at my mom she pulled out left over chicken. "Because you already fixed the sink and you've had a long week even though you wont talk about it." I blushed heavy my mom knows all to well that i dont like to talk about my feeling before and after the Army. Its not just me, it always just comes out in a sea of emotions, which my mom knew. "Alright mom, do you want to write a list of all the things you want done around the house" i watched my mom pull out the stuff for chicken quesadillas. YES my mom is making quesadillas there good and one of my favorites.

Brittany's hand was resting on my upper thigh as my mom was grabbing plants out of the cupbored I turned to her she squeezed my leg a little and smiled at me in that moment she was glowing again, my breath caught in my lungs as i tried to exhale she leaned into me "breathe baby, its just me" i'm in love. thats it i'll admit it. i am in love with her. "i'm sorry i just got caught up in the moment." i kissed her cheek and rubbed my nose on her cheek.

"Ladies, food is servied" my mom smiled at us, there was salsa and sour cream on the table we ate talked to my mom a bit, "mom i wanted to let you know i'm going to the doctor in about a week about my flash backs. the 3 months i spent in washington at the _VA hospital _ will count to my visits here, i'm hoping they will be able to give me something to help me out." i smiled at my mom "well Satana thats always good to hear, how have you been managing now?" I didnt know how to tell her how i was managing. Cause i am doing the best i can.

"Well i really dont know how i am managing. Um, Brittany helps out. quite a lot. i've been really good every few days i have this warning system, if i have a good dream say about when i was kid, or about Brittany or Bug, i have a really really bad day, um, i had a dream at Brittanys that she was glowing angle-like? it was one of the best dreams i've had, later on she spent what she says was 15min claming down in the bathroom that day. i feel like it was hours i was gone for. But when i dream about whats happened over there, i have really good days, I dont know if its really its a system or anything yet, but it seems to make kinda since" I smiled at my mom, i could see the tears in her eyes, i left like it was just my mom and i talking now, I could hear the ocean in my ears i was snapped from my moment the door slammed and i jumped from my seat.

"Santana its okay." i felt soft hands on my arms, I looked to see it was Brittany. I inhaled sharp when i seen Mia walk into the kitchen, i didnt think we were talking that long, Oh no i'm going in and out again, I was being picked up and brought into my room, Brittany was laying me on my bed, i could feel her wrapping her arms and legs around me from behind. I was shaking so hard, "San you know if you leave me just for a moment I'll be here when you come back, just promise you will come back to me. Please." My ears were ringing, so i did i slipped into my flash back allowed it to happen.

_"Lopez get Evans, and Huddson, were going in to take care of buildings that have been rigged up." I took my orders and got the boys, Finn was mostly just for show, he was big and tall so it looked for us when we went in to take care of bombs. We geared up as we started to make our way into the city. When we herd the first bomb go off, the truck was starting to speed up, i gripped my gun harder, we were going to be shooting, and i didnt want that at all, "alright guys were going to have to play this one by ear." _

_"Sir, i dont like the way that soun-.".. "Shut up Huddson. this is how its going to go." The Radios went off on our vests "we need back up in the south-west side of town over." I herd our captin raido back "were on our way over" _

_it was happening so fast, i was blacking in and out of whats going on i herd a voice in the back ground_

"Brittany is she going to be okay? its clear you've seen this before. Please answer me Brittany!" my mom was freaking out, i could feel her pulling away from me. I grabbed her "please" was all i could get out

"i will make sure she's okay, Santana wont let me go, which is a good things she knows i'm here" she gripped my hands, i could feel myself drifting in and out of sleep. "please let me know if you or Tana need anything." i herd my door shut and i could feel Brittany relax into me. I could feel her hand going down my shirt, and the other one going up my, she held me so close to her with, her hand over my heart. I could hear her whisper "you can come back to me, you know i'll keep you safe even if you dont come back right away. please just come back to me" my shaking stopped, My breathing was evening out.

"brittany?"she nuzzled her face in the back of my neck "Sanny" she smiled at me.

I looked to her eyes. "i have to tell you something please dont freak out. But, i love you"

she looked onto my eyes. i could see tears in her eyes "I- I love you Santana"

**AN: i still need a Beta, i hope this is a good chapter, i'm up for ideas anyone want to give me some ideas thanks again for reading **

**-Spee**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: sorry about all the spelling. still looking for a Beta.. Um as soon as i find one i'll have them go over the chapters? sure why not. makes everyone happy right? you can read it, and i get reviews good or bad whatever you would like to tell me :) please do.**

_Its bad really bad i'm laying in my tent. I was thinking about the days events. Finn was gone, Sam was really borken about it cause Finn being the big ass he was pushed both Sam and I to the ground I her the first 3 pops and i new it was over i was looking over Finn. He was now coughing up blood "Lepez i'm sorry" i felt his blood hit my face, he was already gone by the time he had "sorry" out._

_Here i sit alive 2 bulidings lost and 4 of our guys, I closed my eyes and when i opened them_

"either you were sleeping or you felt me again. or was it both this time?" her voice was so beautiful. i pushed my palms of my hands in my eyes, I passed out for a long time the sun was down and i remembered _Finn_ i could feel myself curling into her. I've been cheating these feelings I was having, i felt like i was cheating death everyday. I could hear Brittany trying to sooth me her hands are running up and down my back she's calming "please make this stop Brittany, please I'll do anything plaese make it go away." I wanted to just make it go away, not cry anymore. I can't cry anymore. My hands are pulling at Brittany, "please?" was all i asked of her and her lips crashed into mine. She feels so different. She was pushing her tongue in my mouth, I was pulling at her clothes we are battling for control. I hated this feeling, before i even knew what was happening she was pinning me to the bed. She pulled away from me. "Lets go, we need to leave, and bring Bug were going to my house, pack a bag you're also coming to stay with me too. This house isnt doing good things for you. I'll tell your mom that were going to my house." i was shocked, breathing heavy, and her on top of me was giving me a boner.

I gulped "You're going to have to give me a moment. You um kinda gave me a semi" Brittany moved her thumb across my cheek. She leaned down and kissed my lips so soft and rolled off me. "i'm going to talk to your mom and let her know what were doing, she wont mind if we take Bug will she?" she was now standing at the end of my bed. "I dont see why not babe, he's my dog, she just takes care of him when i go over seas." thinking to myself 'thank god not ever again'.

"well baby not anymore" she kissed my head, I smiled up at her she's glowing again, I watched her turn on her heals and walk out of my bedroom, i was moving across the room filling up my bag with clothes, socks, and underwear. I crossed the hall, gathering all my bathroom stuff. I feel like i was leaving for good again. I love my mom and sister. But I really couldnt be here not when Mia doesnt care and my mom cares too much, she wont say anything to my sister unless its in the moment and i cant live on edge, I was so worried that anything was going to set me off.

I was skipping steps making my way as fast as i could downstairs, Bug was by Brittany on the couch she was scratching behind his ear, her and my mother were talking i wasnt really listening. Bug must have herd me hit the last step cause he was up and to my feet mom and Brittany turned and looked at me. "At least for the next week or two, maybe longer" my mom said i could hear the saddness in her voice.

I was wrestling with Bug when i piped up "call me mom and tell me to come see you. you know i will" her and Brittany were laughing at me cause i was making growling noises at Bug and on all fours we had our heads together. I put my head down and rolled on my back he came up beside me and laid down "go get Brittany Bug" i whispered. He took off running on the couch and was licking her face like his life depended on it "NO BUG, hey my make up said not tested on animals. SANTANA!" i was rolling around on the floor laughing, it was werid how i went from so goddamn sad to laughing but i can take Bug and Britt-Britt for that. I was trying to catch my breath "B-bug, down." he hopped off of Brittany and to the door he went he knew we were leaving. "come on you ass lets go run i'll let you chase me" i dont know why i talk to him like a person. he's my best friend. I took off out the door and took off running around the front yard. I turned and stopped and Bug looked at me and stopped. We played this game all the time i took a step back and he took ont forward, I looked at he and started running at him we both stopped when we herd the screen door slam and mom and Brittany were looking at us with their arms crossed "what did i tell you about leaving to door open Santana?" my mom huffed out at me fake angery. "is this what i have to look forward too? open doors and sneak dog attacks?" she asked looking over at my mom and smiled at her.

"Mom i'm sorry" i got down on my knees and clamped my hands together as if i were begging "please mom forgive me i promise it wont happen again. i love you i'm SO SORRY" i forgot all about teaching Bug to bed with me. He and i were fake crying "Bug she's never going to forgive us".

"Oh shut up Santana come give me a hug before you go" i jumped up and hugged my mom and kissed her cheek. "i'll be back to finnish the gutters and what not i love you mom" my mom hugged me tight and kissed my cheek as well. "i love you too be good and bring Bug back sometime. i want to take him over to the Puckermans to play with their dog" my mom smiled at me

"Call me and let me know. I havent seen Pucks ugly mug in forever!" my mom smiled at me cause she really does love Puck she never understood why we dated in school. Well who wouldnt date me dick or not, besides I was kind. I have reach arounds.

I saw Brittany out of the corner of my eye hug my mom. "i'll see you later" and we were getting in the car i let bug in the back and rolled the window down for him, i hopped in the front. "come on baby lets go home" i just freaked out. i said home i SAID _HOME _"i mean.. Um your house"

"home baby were going home" she kissed me and i smile into her lips. we pulled away a bit. "i love you Britt" she smiled at me so big beaming and glowing "i love you too Sanny-boo". my eyebrow quarked up "Sanny-boo? please not infront of anyone else. please babe" Smile smiled at me. "okay lover"

We Drive off and i was excited not to be were it was taking everything worse for me, i was excited to see LT and to be in her bed cause i am in love with this girl. I hope i get better not just for me but for her too"

**A/n: sorry about the lack of update. my wisdom teeth are impacted, i've been having pains all through out my head cause of this, but i'm sorry if this was short up date. but i like it. please feel free to follow me on tumblr. i follow back. sorry for the mistakes. Message me abotu what you would like to see happen. thanks guys**

**-Spee**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: i hope this update is good without to many mistakes. I think i found a Beta. I'm going to work on this chapter and then we'll go from there. One other thing would any of you like to see this from Brittany's POV i'm Open to anything. **

I didnt think that LT and Bug would get along like this. They were both laying together on the floor at the end of the bed. At some point in time Britt and I decided to take a nap i woke up frist I think i maybe slept an hour. I was on my side playing with some of the beautiful blond next to me, i ran my fingers over her clothed arm and moved back up moving my hand around her shoulder and down her back. I started to move my hand under her shirt i was running my fingers along her spine. I could feel her scoot closer to me she looked like an angel. So peaceful, beautiful and i had fell in love with her so fast it scared me (in a good way). I leaned down and kissed her cheek I could feel her smile alittle and moved to kissed her lips real quick. She smiled at me i rolled on to my back and streached. "You are so beautiful you know that right?" I moved on top of her after my strech. "You look like an angle when you sleep, so peaceful and calm"

I kissed my way down her neck and back up by her ear. "i love you so much, you make me feel so safe" she shifted her legs under me and they where coming around hips. We were taking one anothers clothes off, as soon and it was just our skin on. "please baby i want to feel you inside me" was all Britt needed to say, I push into her slowly already being rock hard for her, I moved my hardened member inside of her going slow wanting her to know i was going to be making love her to her, I was pooring everything i had into her, i couldnt take my eyes from hers. "San, S-san baby I love you" I started to pick up speed, I could feel myself hitting that spot inside of her she was quivering under me. I sweat was pooring from both of us, "San I-i'm fuck baby! I'm coming" Brittanys nails were digging in my back i could feel them being forced down my back

"Fuck Britt, baby. Ow" I pushed into her harder, She was slumping under me I came not long after her, I could feel her nails let out of me. Brittany moved her hands over my back I winced she pushed her nose into my neck "I'm sorry San." i felt her smile into my skin "I think i made you bleed" she sounded so cute. I pulled out of her slow as possible just to mess with her a little, watching her face as i did this was so beautiful she was so upset that i was pulling out, she whimpered a little and tried to pull me closer. I was having to much fun with this.

I jumped up off the bed to try to keep up the game but that all failed when i tripped over my feel trying to catch myself i managed to land in the closet "If you bleed on anything white in in there i will be so upset." Brittany laughed at me she got up "Or cum that on anything dark, since you are very naked." She winked at me

"I guess thats what i get for trying to be an ass" i smile at her and got up, she smiled at me. I looked around the room "when did the guys leave?" at some point LT and Bug left the room. "Well LT can open up doors. It may or may not have open any way. I really hope this closet thing teaches you not to be a douche." She snickered at me, I think its about to go down, were looking at each other, she's challenging me. And I am crumbling. She's breaking me, what the fuck it going on Lopez. "You are so easy you know that." Brittany smiled at me at she moved her hands around my hips. She kissed my cheek "I love you." she moved away from me and started getting dressed.

"W-what are y-you doing to me?" i asked. Shit i'm stuttering really bad, i back myself up with "I love you too" and started reaching for her other set of duck boxers, I was about to pull a shirt over my head why she hit my arm " I need to clean your back I.. Um think i may have broke a nail in there and i really dont want you to get an infection" she said as she pulled me to the bathroom.

I seem to let her to have this power over me I have yet to understand, she can look at me and I will do whatever she wants of me. I know that I'm not in a place to try to figure anything out that isnt involved with fixing me. But Brittany is just so amazing. She hand me stand in the bathroom facing the sink, I was looking at her through the mirror as she cleaned my back. My knee jumped when i left her finger move along a few scare I had on my back "First time over, I was defusing a bomb when one on the wall behind me went off. My vest took most of it" I smiled at her in the mirror. "I wont lie i do like my first battle scar, I was shocked they let me go back out, but I was and still am good at what did." she was kissing along my shoulder across my neck. She came up by my ear "they are very sexy" she whispered. She pulled away from me. "Lets get food i'm so fucking hungery, I think thats all on you though. Come one baby." She called walking out of the bathroom into the kitchen

Breakfast was peaceful, we fed LT and Bug. We didnt do much that day. We were both feeling lazy, We watched everything for Sword in the Stone to Zombieland. I must have passed out at some point cause i woke up cold i could see from under the door that the bathroom light was shining off the wall i got up and put on a shirt,

"Britt babe? are you okay" she was leaning over the toilet hands on her knees, man it was a bad puke i hate when i have to brace myself. "Hey love are you okay?" she looked up at me and shook her head.

"come on babe lets get you to bed, you must have ate something bad. i'll take care of you." i kissed her head and laid her down on the bed, I moved behind her and spooned her for the night "i love you feel better Britt, sweet dreams"

**A/N i did kind of rush a little but i was having all these ideas and i had to get them out. i did find a Beta :) i will let you know when we start working together let me know what you think. Anything you want to see let me know**

**Spee**


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